My mother called here late last night with her new cell phone. How she even learned to turn the thing on is beyond me. It’s an “old dog - new tricks” sort of thing. Anyway, whenever I talk to her I get this overwhelming urge to rub my head - a light massage really; and I find it soothing, like petting the cat. So now that she signed away her soul to the same provider, we get unlimited mobile to mobile calling.
“Now I can talk to you any time day or night, isn’t that wonderful?!”
Immediately, I discovered a soft indentation about the size of a golf ball on the back of my head. I am sure I had flashes that perhaps my mother beat me with a hammer when I was a child but I can’t say for sure.
I can remember a time when Mr. Big and I moved and had to change phone numbers. When she asked for the new dialing procedure, I forgot and had to “get back with her.” It was the most peaceful fifty years of my life. See, when my mother needs to talk with me, she will call and call and call and call until I pick up the phone because after all, she has Universal Emergencies to discuss.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. [Voicemail picks up]
Silence for a minute.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. [Voicemail picks up]
Silence for a minute.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. [Voicemail picks up]
Rinse and Repeat. At least until I can’t stand it one more second, send the phone flying through the air only to have it land on some weird-shaped object that hits the answer and speaker phone buttons at the same time, forcing me to answer.
“HELLO!”
“Well, why didn’t you just pick up the first time?”
“Because I was soaking in a tub full of bubbles. Relaxing. To the sound of my new ringtone.”
“Oh. I just wanted to tell you I saw the most beautiful glass beads at Michael’s today.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. Anyway, that is all I wanted to tell you.”
Click.
Yes mother. Any time. Day or night. Wonderful.
